wow. update.

Honestly right now all i can think of is wow.

I find a cell phone i thought someone stole/i lost..
Opening up my phone and going through its contents is so eye opening..
The last time i posted was three years ago, about the same time i "lost" this phone..

SO. MUCH. HAS. CHANGED.

how i look, my thoughts, my loves, my family, my friends, my views, my priorities,  how i feel, my dreams, my goals, cell phones, inflation, what i believe, what i support, music, where I've traveled, where I've been, trends, what I've done, where i live, have i moved, am i moving, what i let go, what i hold on to, my sacrifices, who i respect, gratefulness, who i trust, what I've gained, what I've lost, moving forward, my emotions, the unknown, dark clouds, long snoozes, barely sleeping, health, openess,  second families, closed doors, over and over and over, sickness, long journies, asking for help, injuries, leaving things behind, life changes and the future......

just wow.

nts: omgsh

Just one more tidbit for tonight; reading past posts on here..   I honestly wish I was more descriptive and detailed when I wrote something, because yes I remember how I felt when I wrote it but it's harder for me to remember it as a whole.
I want to remember the back story, what was happening, how I felt exactly and what the current situation was.. JUST so I can justify what I was thinking in the present tense, if I was over reacting, if I still feel the same way about how I felt in that situation or if I don't.

We'll see.

shmeh

gahh!

I swear I say this every time, but SO much has happened since I last posted..... Somethings I haven't started explaining or even talked about..
Like seriously.
I keep saying I'll explain later or not now, later.... Always later.
But when is "later" exactly?
I keep procrastinating that some memories start becoming a blur.
It's like that semi new Facebook thing where they show you what happened "on this day". Tbh, it's a blessing and a curse.. I like it but somethings, I don't want to remember that.
On some days, I'm like "really?! I didn't post or do anything interesting on this day/week that many years ago? Whyyy nawt?" it's cause I didn't post anything, so I don't have anything to look back on. That's why I really want to start posting more, on anything just so I can look back at it.  I'm a very visual person, so I was  thinking of starting to vlog or post more photos.
Although, I also really want to write more. I don't care about spelling or grammar. Just write how I feel.  I used to journal a lot or keep a diary of how I felt. Which works. Yet the thing with me is that if I find a really nice journal, I wouldn't want to ruin the inside with my messy writing or my spelling mistakes or my poor grammar. Plus they take up lots of space when I finish a book or don't use it.  I want to start using things more digitally so I can easily have access to it... As long as I keep my password. lols✌
There's this one specific subject I've always said "later" too and it's been a crazy year and a half already.... It doesn't seem like its slowing down, but on the other hand it does. I don't know anymore.  That in itself is hella confusing. 

However, I'll truly start writing about that in another post.

Night. 01:37

Stopped checking, just writing and posting.

I don't care about social media, I really don't; but I hate how I have to...

He has a plan for me.

I'm not sure what it is.

I know that I have a purpose.

I'm just confused.

I don't know how I got on this path.

I'm not complaining.

I'm actually reeeally happy at times.

I have a real smile on.

I just get really hurt at times.

I know it's also wrong.

I know it was my choice. 

I don't know what will happen. 

I know I'm still really happy at times from that choice.

I know I will have ups and maaany downs.

I just have to keep moving forward.

I have so much infront of me.

I'm going to live life accordingly.

I'm gonna go with the flow and see where it takes me. 

I don't care what people think. (I'll do my best)

I'm going to take that first step in my journey.

I know I will follow through with my goals.

I'm positive He loves me and I love Him. Through everything.

He is good.

when something doesn't go as planned it sucks

spontaneity is great

but now I'm just confused

wooow... SO MUCH has changed within a year

it honestly feels like FOREVER ago but when you actually think about it it was so short